Let me begin with a quote by Tom Harpour, “Who can sit by the bedside of a loved one ravaged by some cruel, killing disease and not know doubt?” As a once upon a time pastor and now just plain ole spiritual guide who is making his way through life as we all must, I’ve been there and maybe a visit to even more crushingly doubtful places.
I remember very well a funeral of a beloved close friend more than a decade ago, as I stood before a crowd of five hundred, who were looking to me, as his pastor, for answers. I opened up the funeral ceremony with the words, “I don’t understand it and it hurts like hell”. Of course now that I don’t believe in hell, I‘ve added yet another level of hatred and OPPROBRIUM to my life.
Good thing I’m no longer a pastor (using that word as a NOUN). I am pastoral (the verb usage) though. Does that count?
Thankfully I am now a part of a loving community that allows people to have differing ideas. Love isn’t based on doctrine or beliefs. It’s okay that I will be cremated. I try not to “view” open caskets because I want to remember the life that I saw in their eyes and their faces and not that stilted make up face of death. Why do we do that? Hey, it’s okay if you want to go that route. I’m cool with that for you.
And I’m okay of you’re agnostic too!
I am too on some things. It’s okay!
An interesting word for Barack Obama to use three weeks ago when he said he was agnostic about higher taxes. Maybe he was listening some of the time, when in Jeremiah Wright’s church. Doubt is a part of life. There would be no need for FAITH is there wasn’t doubt. C. S. Lewis became, in part, who he was because of his initial nagging doubts that led him to finally write the book, A Grief Observed.
It’s just life! How are you doing with it- and other people’s view of such?
I see agnosticism as a healthy form of self expression simply because it leaves open the possibility of so much more (or less), depending on one’s perceptions. At the end of the day, I am still agnostic about a great many things
If I have a scarey stack of bills I have doubt. Then a check comes in & I relax with a tad less anxiety–but the faith remains. More faith is certainly required staring at the bills (which I do my best to keep to a minimum.) Thank God I have not had to deal with the example you quoted from Tom Harpour.
So–now that you are no longer a pastor & simply a pastoral spiritual guide; guess what? So am I. But, then you knew that! Now that I am expected to plume whatever depths of whichever version of the bible I am led to, meditate & hear from God myself I also have to learn to articulte my position. Either that or deflect question with question as I walk the eclesiastical tightrope which spiritual discourse has become these days.