Life used to be so simple. I knew where I was going and I was so darned sure that I’d get there. The ego does a lot of trash talking. Of course I was young then and I didn’t need to rely upon common sense. Jesus was truly my co-pilot! I was sitting in the left hand seat baby.
Slowly but surely God got my attention. He is very good at doing that you know.
This year the LRC theme is Quest For Transformation. And for all these many years I thought it was a quest for information! God knows we need information but if we stop with only that there is no formation in our lives, just an enhancing of our ego as to how smart and right we are!
Wrong!
And it seems that if we’re really getting “IT” (what is IT?), we come to a place where we realize we’ve been lied to for all these many years by our internal operating system. And it corrupted all the software programs that we loaded onto it.
But alas, I’ve surrendered to the Spirit (I sense- not think), and the “quest” is on. Questions, questions in this hallway of uncertainty. But you know what? It takes faith in this threshold (liminal space), or hallway of fear and craziness.
I am not in control!
Finally God can do something with me! 
How many lies do I currently believe?!?! Oh, GOD! Don’t ever stop removing the scales from my eyes!!!! So many things, stupid things, I believed in the past; beliefs I thought I would die for, and they were all lies… How many more do I still believe? Thank you God for your patience in revealing TRUTH to us!
I would have thought before that this “quest”, this “craziness”, this “unknowing” would bring about fear and more fear, but the surrender to the Spirit actually brings the opposite – a peace without explanation, and no grounds for fear whatsoever.
When I started LRC more than 19 years ago, I was going through a major transformation- from a denomination to a non denominational thinking. I said many times back then to the body, I wonder how much I’ve believed that just wasn’t so? And whatever I thought back them has been amplified and exponentially advanced in these last two years.
A difference for me is that back then I was sure I was on to getting it right. Now, I know I never will have it all and it’s all right that I don’t.
And in that statement (your last sentence to Ginger) is where I find my most peace and freedom along with your statement, “I am not in control and now God can do something…” How liberating! I agree with Ginger, I thought fear would come, but it has been the opposite, peace that comes NOT from man that cannot understand it.
Peace that passes ALL understanding!